Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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