I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
