Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
