If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
