everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
