We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this boner is exhausting
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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