she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
this is an emotional support booty call
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