We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
