2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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