i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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