I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
