Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
