Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
No I am not eating basil off your cock
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
