so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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