So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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