I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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