whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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