honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
