you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
