I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
