yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
