just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
