so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I understand Curling. That high.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
