fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
