he wants to bone in the snuggie
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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