i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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