My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
