Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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