No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
