i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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