I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
