I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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