i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
