why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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