Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
