He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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