That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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