Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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