I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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