My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
