She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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