I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I fill condoms, not promises.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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