Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
