I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
