hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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