Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
