I'm going to jail i love you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
