I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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