stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
