tonight lets celebrate not being married
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
