Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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