I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
