apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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