weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
